1995 | 1996 | 1997

1 9 9 6 - 1 9 9 7

SPRING ZINGERS
Spring 1997 (mostly!)

Ah, springtime in the Collegium Musicum -- when our conductors' thoughts turn to ...

What else?

• "Girls and boys? Birds and bees! ... Mars and Spain!" JM 4/30
• "Some of you have people ... some of you don't ... some of you at one time may have had a ... person ... BUT NO MORE ... think of that person ... and really get tormented." JM 4/8
• "I don't know how you imagine kissing, but it should be warm and wet and beautiful." CD 4/29
• "I'm very wild this evening." JM 4/2
• "Kiss me in the dark, baby!" JM 4/15
• "I'm in great need of fun." JM 4/15
• "It's a boy and a girl ... a family, you know." JM 4/15
• "Now, just waltz it out, baby!" JM 5/2
• "You've been a monk for a long time." JM 3/18
• "I kind of feel light-hearted tonight ... is that all right?" JM 4/2
• "Good kids! Good, good, good kids!" JM 5/2
• "You're so endearing -- that's why I have fun with you." JM to Sonny 4/15
• "I know you're hugging, but can you separate a bit for now?" JM to Forrest and Nadia 5/2

Nutrition and fitness:

• "I went to the Shop & Stop and she asked me for my Shop & Stop card ..." JM 4/23
• "Tä ... te ... tot!" JM 4/2
• "I'm losing so much weight ... sorry my shirt's coming out." JM 4/23

????

• "Rears away the ... whoozit." JM 4/3
• "Grab the dog by the tail and swing it around!" JM 3/19
• "I don't hear the alto/tenor headlights. Bass/tenor headlights, fantastic!" JM 3/12
• "Singing is a horrible thing -- you must make MUSIC!" CD 4/22
• "Brahms really did that ... I talk with him a lot." JM 4/2
• Jim: "Chicken-livered, yellow-bellied ... uh ..."
  Elisabeth Winterkorn: "Clark Kent ..."
  Jim: "Yes! Clark Kent!" 3/12

And when the choir's thoughts clearly turn somewhere else ...

• "You all suck." MJB (Matt Bester) to CS (Chamber Singers) 11/24/96
• "I only had two comments, and I already forgot one ... oh, now I remember. Your timing is ... well, it's bad." MB (Michael Barrett) to CS 3/30
• "There is vibrato in the real world." JM 4/30
• "That sucked. Come on!" MJB to CS 5/4
• "That was good! ... actually, it was a little strange ..." EK (Emily Kuo) to CS 4/13
• "That was good ... now, add the element of pitch." MB to CS 3/9
• "I don't know what the hell voice leading that was, but you know what I mean." MJB to CS 5/4
• "For example, at rehearsal one, you have ... a note." EK to CS 4/27
• "That's a line, not a bugle call." JM 3/12
• "Those were DYNAMICS! That's good! Sing those!" EK to CS 4/27
• "It's everyone else's fault, and it's my fault ... but it's also the altos' fault." MB to CS 3/30
• "Basses, that was a truly valiant effort." EK to CS 3/16
• "Umm ... right, David Ahn." EK 5/4

On the "is MJB morphing into JM?" watch:

• "You're in this pool of molasses and then the fireworks suddenly shoot out" MJB to CS 11/24/96
• "You're trumpets and fireworks shooting out of this pool of molasses." MJB to CS 11/24/96
• "You're a pool of finality in which the altos are still swimming." MJB to CS 11/24/96

The Emily Kuote® of the season:

• "Umm, that was okay ..." to CS 4/13

And from the "Jung always says it best!" Dept:

• "If music were food, I'd be FAT!"

Overheard:

• "Together, we are Kevin [Leong]!" Michael Kim to Forrest Michael 4/29
• "You're just in a lot of people's dreams these days, aren't you?" EK to Rebecca Schwietz 5/4
• "It's so cool ... it's just such a powerful marker." Matt Weinzierl, sniffing mega-magic marker found in Holden, 3/16
• Tonia D'Amelio (in response to basses' low C#): "You guys rock my world."
  Matt W. (with cocked eyebrow): "Well, if that's all it takes ..." 4/11
• "Impatience. That's a kind of flower." Ezra Keshet 3/19
• "You're just the perfect ... I don't know, something." Rebecca to Ezra 4/27
• "It's okay; I'm used to it now." Tonia, when asked about JM's conducting style 5/2
• "I am the key -- thou shalt have no other keys before me." Ezra 5/5

MONTEVERDI MARVINISMS

Nov. 1996 - Mar. 1997

An Interview with the current Collegium conductors (with all due credit to E. Wood)

• Welcome back, for those of you who have just joined us, we're now talking with Dr. Jameson Marvin, director of the Harvard-Radcliffe Collegium Musicum and his assistant conductor, Kevin Leong. Hello to you both.
• JM: "Hello, I'm on the moon, and you're a woodpecker." 1/29
  KL: "Mmm ... I'm chewing a peppercorn that was stuck in my teeth." 12/5
• er ... Welcome. So why don't we start with a description of what it is that you do ...
• JM: "I'm a slave driver ... whip ... whip ... whip." 2/1
• No, I mean what you're doing now --
• JM: "I'm a dancing with you in your pajamas!" 12/3
• I see ...
• JM: "I can't wait to clean and sweep, clean and sweep, and have the dance at the retreat!" 11/19
• ... so ... these are your future plans ...
• JM: "I can't wait to dance with you!" 11/20
• okay ... why don't we move on to what the Collegium is doing these days ...
• JM: "Well, we all go out to Marvin's house and ... well, we drink, that's what we do." 11/13.
• ... ha ... ha ... seriously, the choir ...
• JM: "They're in California too. That is, petals. " 2/1
• what?
• JM: "I know it's a challenge to figure out my mind ... seeing as I'm totally crazy." 2/1
• Oh, I wouldn't say --
• JM: "Look at the cheese on the other side of the moon while the telescope blinks under the watermelon." 11/19
• ... so, Mr. Leong, what do you offer to the Collegium?
• KL: "Do you see this? This sheet of fabric softener just came out of my shirt." 1/7
• ... o-kay ... Dr. Marvin, why don't we talk a bit about your family --
• JM: "My mother's into Duluth!" 11/13
• I understand you also have a wife Polly and a son --
• JM: "We call ourselves the Strange family. Mr. And Mrs. Odd and their son Strange ... which reminds me of drinking." 12/4
• Pardon?
• JM: "Well, that's how we talk. When we talk -- always in bed ... Polly's in bed reading and I turn to her and say "Heohha!" and she goes "Eeahhr!" 12/4
• I see ...
• JM: "C-E-C-E, break. E-C-E-C, break. EC, hahaha." 12/10
• Excuse me?
• JM: "I'm sorry, I lost my mind for a moment." 12/3
• That's quite all right, if you could --
• JM: "Either I was on speed, or.." 3/6
• I beg your --
• JM: "All it takes is one dot and you're gone!" 11/19
• ... So let's return to Mr. Leong ... maybe you could tell us how you go about directing the Collegium ... what sort of things do you tell the choir to produce the sound you do?
• KL: "Try to sing it as loud as possible so you can cover all the interesting parts." 12/5
• ... really ...
• KL: "It sounds retarded. It's supposed to." 2/19
  JM: "Pum is the sum!" 11/20
• So ... umm ... how do you fix individual mistakes in the choir?
• JM: "Whap! Whap! Whap! Crucify! Crucify!" 2/1
  KL: "Here's an idea, take a breath before you begin. Try inhaling." 1/7
• What do you see yourself working on in the near future?
• JM: If I could have a dinner of just turkey skin ... turkey skin and mashed potatoes ... I mean, it has to be crispy brown! It can't have the fat dripping off ..." 2/11
• Well, it looks as though that's about all the time we have ...
• JM: "We don't want to take any more time. It'll lead to psychological problems." 2/11
• Well, yes, and we certainly wouldn't want that ...
• JM: "Senility is not fun." 11/9
• Indeed. Thank you both once again.

Hey Jim, what should we do?

• "Make it swave! 2/11
• "Think everything! Every possible thing!" 2/1
• "Sing the gestures, not little background turtles." 11/6
• "Let's honk your omnes, everybody!" 11/20
• "I'm trying to give you vocal rest, so if you have a bladder, then MOVE!" 12/11
• "Linger longingly on the little note, loving it longingly, little-ly" 2/4
• "If you need a bladder, do a bladder. But no tenor bladders, okay?" 12/11
• "When there's a passing quarter note, make it an event in your life!" 12/10
• "Don't increase your volume, women, because youre insulted." 2/4
• "Hook up those duets." 11/13
• "Around the campfire. Here it is. (points to piano) Burn this black box!" 11/16
• "Keep it going, keep it going, baby!" 12/11
• "Yes! You've got it baby!" 3/6
• "Give me some more juice there. I need the juice." 2/4
• "The piece is either major or minor; you tell me which." 2/4
• "The ornamented footstool ... ornament your foot and really highlight your toes!" 11/5
• "Make it more beer-like, more smooth." 12/12
• "Sing it sort of light and ... umm ... ectomorphic." 11/20

Hey Jim, how are we doing?

• "It sounds like an old fashioned washing machine."
• "It's a rhythmic morass at this moment." 1/8
• "You can't enunciate -- it's a sexual matter!" 2/12
• "I hear harmony. There's no campfire here!" 11/13
• "I don't hear a thing wrong; I just hear sheep." 11/25
• "Now I know you and can truly insult you!" 2/4
• "YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY DO THIS WRONG! Now, it's all flat so far ..." 2/25
• "It sounds very French-ish." 2/5
• "You all have a strange habit ... that started off as an exaggerated Marvin wish ..." 2/26
• "You've always been an odd group. Wait till you meet the alumni. They're all odd." 3/3
• "I hear a low G. Someone's singing a low G. Oh ... it's just the airplane outside." 11/12
• "The problem is, this is getting really good." 3/5

Hey Jim, what about you?

• "I'm not here." 12/4
• "I'm not a man and I can't sing low." 2/4
• "Oh, okay. I'm going crazy." 11/25
• "I can be very asinine sometimes. 12/4
• "There are a lot of maddening things about me." 11/13
• "I am a boy, and now I am a man!" 2/1
• "No, I'm an idiot! Very insightful, Marvin." 12/10
• "Sorry, my digital process is not that good." 11/13
• "I'm a hemioohhhla making the Holy Spirit a most important guy." 1/31
• "I'm extremely frustrated!" 2/1
• "If I were in front of myself, I'd probably approve." 12/11

????

• "3 little sackbuts" 2/11
• "Dog dog slipper, munch mouth grab! Wag! Wag! So the slipper goes the other way! Dog!" 11/5
• "A little feather on top of an oil well ... the oil well is made out of cotton ... nice pump." 11/5
• "God I hate the Munchkins. I just hate them. I mean, not just their sound, but them. I didn't tell Graham that. I threw up on his lap."1/31
• "It's just unnecessarily important." 2/26
• "Put on the mantle of security ... what does it look like? Think of St. Bernard drool ... or a blossoming tulip before the petals fall ... or, you
• could just think of ... a turnip." 12/4
• "The mantle of security is a plastic top ... it smells very badly." 12/4
• "What do you call it? Sticking your head in the water? BAPTISM!" 2/12
• "It's not exactly a vague dream, but it's almost a nightmare." 12/16
• "Ba da da da is VERY interesting." 11/5
• "It's a secret between you, yourself, and I." 12/3
• "You know this Swiss cheese mud." 12/18
• "Cat's claws on that harpsichord!" 11/19

Official Marvin FunFact® 1996-97:

• "When Polly and I started dating, we discovered on the first date, she loves pork rinds, and I love pork rinds!!" 10/25

The "Balance!!!" Dept.:

• "What about the baritones singing alto? Which I believe is all of us." David Halstead, 2/1
• "The card says Bass II, 2 ... I cheated. I'm actually a 1." Dan Hamalainen, 12/11
• Jim: "Victor, you were just standing!"
  Victor Udoewa: "I switch during that measure." 1/31
• "It's the sound of altos trying to sing high." 1/9
• "Any altos want to sing bass?" 1/8
• "The male variety of normal tenors, please." 12/18
• "There isn't such a thing as a normal second tenor." 1/31
• "The other people singing the second line singing the first line singing ..." (1/31)
• "Get the two that are not here, and the three that are not here" 1/7
• "And of course the cantus firmus messes up everything." 1/8
• "Cantus weirdus." Kevin, 2/12

Jim on life, the universe and everything:

• "Pork Rinds!!" 11/25
• "It's the softies -- the Clark Kent yellow-bellies of the world that we need!" 12/4
• "Teaching is sort of connected to learning." 12/4
• "Men, keep up with the women ... [pause] ... It's hard to keep up with women." 1/31

Jim on the Collegium banquet:

• "Its like a big bath with your family." 2/5

Jim on his Collegiites:

• Looking for Kirsten Trainer: "Where are you, Ingrid? Ingrid!!" 1/9
• Looking at Kevin Yeh: "I find that odd." 2/1
• To a newly-cropped Logan McCarty: "Wonderful haircut, wonderful -- sexual transformation!" 1/7
• Jim: "Don't you think?"
  Kirsten: "Usually." 1/29
• On Matt Weinzierl: "Matt is a magnet, just a magnet." 2/1

The "Longest-Suffering Voice Part" Dept.

• "Basses. Vacuum cleaners. Here we go." 1/9
• "Big tubes move slow ... slow ... wuh ... wuh ... wuh ... I'm not commenting on your genetics." 11/13
• "Bozos! Bozos! Line 5 Bozos! You make me so mad. I'm not really mad. You're quick. You just can't sing it." 11/13
• "It must have been the year you were born; it's the same with the Glee Club. Basses are such Bozos." 12/4
• "You've probably gotten to a Nebraska hill at this point. Try to get to the mountains, basses." 11/25
• "Basses are just so bulbous in terms of width." 2/1
• listening intently to basses: "I hear a noise." 12/4
• "Go beyond your self image, you soft darling basses!" 11/5
• "Basses are just pillows." 12/11
• "Sing like men, basses, not like tenors." 12/18
• "Basses were undulating well. Good undulators. Good boys. Good." 11/6
• "Sit down! Sit bass! Good basses!" 11/5
• "Now, shake it bass!" 2/1
• "The basses sound good there! Why is that?" Kevin, 12/5

From the "No Escape" Dept:

• "Can the sopranos not make the balloon noise?" 11/20
• "Men are so much better than sopranos." 2/1
• "Everybody groove with the Soprano IIs."11/6
• "The altos are back ... oh greaat." Kevin, 1/27
• "Altos, there's so much meat there, it's incredible!" Kevin, 12/5
• "Tenors can start, then baritones can sneak in and form the line." 11/12
• "Tenors should be more flamboyant by nature. Be flamboyant, tenors. You're flamboyant!" 1/29
• "I can imagine tenors undulating well, but baritones, I don't know" 11/6
• "All the men on the E, all the tenors on the G." 11/13
• "Baritones: Pro-wrestling." 12/3

And on the "Has Kevin morphed into Jim?" watch:

• "That sounds like a popcorn machine ... but all the popcorn are cannonballs." Kevin, 12/5
• "Hmm ... the Hallelujah Chorus. Who doesn't know this piece? It is, after all, the cornerstone of Western Civilization." Kevin, 12/5
• "That was the most unmusical thing I've ever heard!" Kevin, 12/5
• "You just seem intense ... like some deep-seated emotional fear." Kevin, 12/5

Overheard:

• "I'd have to say you were a man if it weren't for overwhelming evidence to the contrary." Forrest Michael to Kirsten, 2/10
• Dave Lyczkowski: "David's going to lose a lung if he sings."
  David Kim: "No, no (*grotesque hack*), I'm fine ..." 11/25
• Forrest: "Jim's mind ... reality."
  Nadia Singh: "Ting ... bong." 3/5
• Emily Kuo: "Ed, what's a theorbo again?"
  Ed Upton: "A big-ass lute." 1/27
• "I've always wanted to be dominated by a baritone." Tiffany Beechy, in response to Jim 11/5

CONSTANCE COMMENTS

Fall 1996

Techniques for Mental-Aural Imaging

• "Pretend you're stirring an enormous vat of honey. Stirring, men. We want a stirring rendition." 10/2
• "It's a pasta sort of idea." 10/4
• "I know it's dark in the womb ... not that dark." 10/5
• "Feel like there's something in your navel -- it's your own little hiding place." 10/8
• "It's a rabid piano!" 10/9
• "Imagine someone really big jumping on you." 10/23
• "Poulenc meets Nietzsche." 10/23

Dr. DeFotis instructs her choir:

• "Your brains are like sieves this evening, ladies and gentlemen!" 10/4
• "Firsts in every section do injustice, seconds do despair, all together in confusion!" 10/5
• "You're going to the altar of God and it sounds like you're going to the racetrack." 10/5
• "The choir that sways together stays together." 10/8
• "All I hear is the anticipation of a flat spirit!" 10/15
• "Have we entered a new tonal planet and I just wasn't on the train?" 10/15
• "You're having a sharp night, and that doesn't mean you look good." 10/16
• To Soprano I section: "I wouldn't vote for you in the unison elections." 10/29
• "Come on basses ... smoke! Smoke before tomorrow!" 10/29

New and improved definitions:

• "Reeeeeeeechte! That means to smell." 10/2
• "Jubilate means loud noises with rams' horns." 10/5
• "'oo' is the vowel of love! I love you! [jumps up and down] oo! doo!" 10/9
• "The end of mankind ... not so exciting." 10/29

About hair ...

• "Just think of 'Herr' as hairy." 10/2
• "Can you be hairier, women?" 10/29
• "It's a hair on your chest kind of moment." 10/29

Oo la la!

• "And you think, 'where is my tongue?'" 10/2
• "So, we may have another's part thrust upon us?" beloved HRCM secretary Kirsten Trainer, 10/4
• "Keep it up, basses." 10/5
• "You! You have to embrace them in your inhale!" 10/8
• To men: "Your trumpet goes all over the place." 10/8
• "YES!! That's a man singing, oh my God!" 10/9
• "I could do anybody -- any man, woman, or child." 10/15
• "Basses, you need to call up another bass and say something very romantic to him." 10/15
• "You need to know who your neighbors are with whom you can blow your trumpet." 10/29

Some thoughts on mouths:

• "Your mouths look like you have some rare social disease." 10/15
• "I cannot deliver you into the hands of the Monteverdi master with mouths like that!" 10/15
• "Wrap your lips around your ears." 10/22
• "Tenors, you need to kiss your words." 10/22

Constance on Constance

• "I'm attracted often at owls." 9/24
• "You're a nervous shirt, Constance." 10/2
• "I'm from the Midwest; I need empowerment." 10/5
• "Wait -- am I crazy? Yes. No. I am." 10/12
• "I can be very stubborn." 10/16
• "What are you doing, Constance? You're weird!" 10/23

Huh???

• "You're like Donald Sutherland in a Fellini movie -- there goes the scarf over the congregation." 10/4
• "How about bobo?" 10/5
• "Where's Charlene? Hmm ... boo. It's a Casper sort of morning. And not Casper Hauser!" 10/6
• "Santa's coming! Oh! Oh!" 10/9
• "This is based on the Nestea commercial." 10/9
• "I really have to dine with you sometime ... mmm ... and have everyone make guttural sounds ... in happiness!" 10/9
• "Go gaga for Geist!" 10/14
• "Mel! Mel!" -- Sopranos, 10/16
• "Did you hear how big their ears were?" 10/16
• "We're going to have more reptilian transgressions than we want." 10/21
• "If you see anyone in the Collegium this weekend, say ... hi! ... DOWN, DOWN." 10/23
• "Get outta Utah!" 10/29
• "Okay, now we're back in Utah." 10/29

JA WOHL!